Another from a series of pieces I wrote while in a writer's group. Like my "Get Stubborn with It!" there is also a "call to action" style in this piece.
Speak Now! Stop holding the peace. You know what you want to say, yet you don’t say it. You tell us, “He doesn’t know what I want. . . . She won’t give me what I need,” when really you just need to open your mouth and fucking Say It Already. Stop with the “He should have known. I shouldn’t have to say anything.” What, is your beloved a mind reader, galactivating the universe through a collapsed space-time continuum? Highly doubtful. It’s time to give up the “he should know.” Fuck that. Spit it out. How fulfilled do you want to be in your life? How much do you really want to get what you really want? How long do you want to wade in the cesspool of dissatisfaction, building case after case against your beloved? How many hours have you spent painting illusions of mediocrity when you could have found the greatness in your connection?
And maybe you don’t know what you want, then start with, “I don’t know” and keep talking. Explore the possibilities. Say the things that feel scary, squeaky, that creak out of the marrow of your bones and bleed into the air. Get vulnerable. You have nothing to lose. Seriously. What, your pride? It’s on the high road to explosion anyway. Might as well go for the slow-air squeeze while you’re still vaguely in control. And hey, you might even get what you want.
And maybe you did speak. Or maybe it was a demand. If don’t get what I want, then . . . then what? Maybe you just need to state what you want and go from there. Maybe it should be, “What I’d really like is . . . “ And then see how you can set your partner up for success. How can you both win? How can you get what you want and your partner feels joy over collaborating with you to make that happen?
Or do you like setting up your partner for failure? Do you want to see them mired in darkness? Are you playing that small that you would both lose in this game of love? And then you can go back to your fantasies of find the perfect mate, but never succeeding. Of course, you won’t succeed. You’re not yet playing a game where all the chess pieces are one color on the same-colored board, and each move has you become delightfully embroiled in a deliciously perplexing problem. After all, you can’t lose if you’re playing on the same team.
So step it up. Raise the bar. Get out of your own way and speak your truth. Set your beloved up to listen to you in the way that you most desire: with openness, compassion, generosity. Then get vulnerable and share your desires. Expose the places that feel dark, so you don’t have to sit in them all alone. It’s an honor to be there with you, to be so trusted that you come to me, bare to the bones, as small as a child. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll actually glow in the light of love that you have created together instead of that endless drone of complaints.